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Archive for the ‘landfamily’ Category

Last night I called my landfamily in Armenia. I haven’t in weeks. I knew it would be hard to keep in touch. They don’t have internet. They live in another hemisphere. They wake up when I go to sleep. But still, I saw them everyday for almost two years, and the morning I left made all of us cry until we just couldn’t anymore.

I called them sitting in the living room of my Texas home. I heard Serine’s voice, and there it was, the first cry since I landed in Texas over a month ago. They passed the phone around. I tried asking Meri and Greta about their upcoming first day of school. Greta will be starting kindergarten on the first. Neither of them could tell me much, passing the phone quickly on. Serine said they have been asking to talk to me everyday but that now they couldn’t get passed a few seconds on the phone without crying. She said they watch my house video everyday.

“We’re adding a room to your house,” she told me.

“Really?”

“Yes, on the side where we were growing potatoes. Now when you come you can bring your family.”

A month ago I wrote about how Armenia felt like a dream, like this place I had just inhabited but now seems so distant it’s almost unreal. But yesterday I talked with Serine, Artur, Meri, and Greta. For the first time since I left Armenia I felt this weight of loss, this deep love for a place that I know is just half a planet out of reach.

I miss everything. I miss lunches at World Vision. I miss the Clooker sweeping around my feet in the morning. I miss calling to my neighbors on my walk home. I miss the handshake of the vegetable man and the smell of the bakery. I miss pizza nights with the other American in town. I miss the mountain outside my window. I miss having a bowl of borsht in my landfamily’s kitchen. I miss long walks to the fortress outside of Stepanavan. I miss the clack of nardi stones on the worn, wooden game board. I even miss the comments and kindness from blog friends I made along the way.

I miss everything about my life there. I am taking this moment to recognize that I am really sad not to be there anymore. Next up: rejoicing that I was so lucky to live there at all.

Two friends cresting a hill on my favorite walking trail in all Armenia.

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I woke up in a panic this morning. Five days left before I leave Stepanavan. Two of those days will be spent doing a camp in a village near here, so in truth, we’re talking three short days here before I cram everything I own, and something things Peace Corps owns, into a taxi and ride to the capital.

Good news, I did not stay sick, and Easter-In-June was a wild success.

Bad news, I don’t have time for a good post. I have pictures to get printed, camp materials to gather, unseen waterfalls to find, and flesh and blood people I need to reach out and touch to remind myself that I’m still here. I’m having that behind-glass feeling again that makes me want to touch everything before it becomes yesterday’s.

I will say that the last few days have included a taco dinner, uncountable and quickly eaten batches of chocolate chip cookies, Easter celebrations, visiting friends, games, long talks, and sunsets that make me cry. What am I saying? Everything is making me cry. Including the crying ladies at the grocery store, the long speeches about how they will miss me and never forget me, and the Clooker sitting down at the desk across from me, then immediately getting up to kiss me, pressing her tears-wet cheek to mine.

I’ve got things to get to. However, I do need to say that you are one of the main reasons I am here right now. I would never have finished Peace Corps with having you to share it with. I came here to put down some words, show my family some photos, and I found friends to write to, people who let share my love of this place. You win. I owe you big time.

Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for forgiving my faults. And thank you for letting me know you’re around, seeing me through this.

I’m not sure if I’ll write in the next week, with all the moving across the planet; however, I assure you that I’ll be writing about readjusting to Texas, and then the move to someplace new, Stateside or otherwise.

In the meantime, here’s a few photos which I promise are worth checking out, if only to see my landfamily wearing rabbit ears. They are amazing. Oh, good grief. The tears again.

a favorite American friend, visiting and playing nardi

kneading pizza dough with aven

americans and armenians heading out to the dasht

well, obviously, if you see an abandoned bus in the middle of nowhere, YOU GET IN

claire and heghmine

a favorite friend and her mom teaching us to make jingyalov hats (herbs bread)

our tatik is cooking; our imogen is dancing to enrique iglesias. enrique always makes us forget our work.

closing the jingyalov hats

jingyalov hats roasting on a stove-closed fire

my coworkers and i hiding in the trees

eating a strawberry. as cute as a strawberry.

eight

one of world vision's social workers

workers jumping. the one second from the left is the clooker!

a totally happy easter!

loot!

 

applying a foam rabbit "tatoo"

I will miss this place. A lot.

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This started as a tiny effort to show you guys my house here in Stepanavan. It became a multi-day ordeal as I waited for each cloudy day’s hour of sunlight to do another take. It became a THING, an event my landsisters and I did every afternoon for almost a week. They loved it, began to tell visitors to their house that they had to help me make a video, that they were my ‘astghiknere’, my little stars. (You can see Greta explaining this to her grandmother in the video.)

I have never felt more myself than I have in this little cottage. It has been a refuge from the cold winter. It has been my favorite reading spot. I have laid out my mattresses for many sleepovers on the cottage floor. I have reveled in morning light coming in through the windows, beckoning me to get out of bed, eat breakfast and read, and then dance my way through daily chores. Every inch of the place feels like me, more than any space ever has. I am the first person to ever live in this house, and right now, for three more weeks, it feels all mine.

(There are a lot of Peace Corps House videos up on Youtube. I like to peruse them and imagine my life around the world. Here’s a friend of mine and her Peace Corps House in Sevan, Armenia. Here’s another friend’s home in Honduras. Take a look around the vids; tell me which ones get you dreaming about life in a new place.)

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ants

Yesterday, a nardi demonstration by my landfather showing that even after two years, he can kick my nardi butt.

And this morning, I battled the army of ants living in my door. Ok, fine, my landmom battled them. But she used MY bottle of khandzori katsakh (apple vinegar), and that counts for something, right? She laughed at how I freaked out at their swarming from the door frame, how my feet were dancing all over them, trying to stop their advance into my living room.

“It’s the weather, Brent,” she says. “Give me your broom. We’ll sweep them out.”

“I don’t want them swept. I want them dead.”

Giggles. “Just pour some vinegar on them. They run from the smell.”

She was right, of course. And now, I’m headed to the store to buy a months supply of apple vinegar. Later, there will be lighting of incense to cover the smell of my door frame pickling.

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Two nights ago I spent hours and hours trying to find a plane ticket, trudging through travel website after travel website like I was chopping through a marsh with a box cutter, looking for the ever elusive, speedy (less than 24 hours), cheap ticket to the States.

Three days ago I found out I’ll be leaving a month early, July 15, for home.  Now that feels like a strange word. All this time I’ve been giving that word, ‘home’, to Texas, more and more tentatively as I have felt a change coming on.  After recent time visiting America, I started giving the name to Armenia, and surely, as soon as I returned to the cottage in Stepanavan, I felt my entire soul relax.  Sitting in my arm chair with a hot meal and an episode of Mad Men, or baking cookies for my landsisters whom I can hear through my window playing in the garden, or the clapping of tiny pucks on the nardi board as my landlord, Artur, starts taking the game, singing “Aysor im orn e; aysor lav or e” (“Today is my day; today is a good day.”), I feel at home.

The cottage, Stepanavan, winter 2011

I love that family. I am so thankful for that tiny house in their garden. I have never felt more at home, more in love with a space, than I have in this tiny house. And in less than seven weeks I am moving out. Reminds me of how I felt leaving my parent’s house in Texas exactly two years ago. The taking-it-in time is here.  The missing is about to start.

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Word has traveled from Moscow to our sleepy town via emigrated relatives of my Armenian friends: THE BIG FREEZE IS COMING.  Apparently, when Moscow freezes over, the same icy hand reaches out to our town in about three days.

This comes to me as a bit of a surprise.  You know what I was doing a couple of days ago? I was with my landdad, moving the nardi board into the house because the sun was beating down too hard.  (I was wearing a t-shirt.) And then I was hanging out with my landsisters on the terrace.  Meri and I built a car out of blocks my mom brought from the States.  We rolled it down a carpet my landmom left in the sun to air out.

In the game, I took on the roll of simple fool, dropping the car down the carpet and watching it crash and fall to pieces.  Meri took the roll of exasperated mother, skipping the now-is-that-the-smartest-thing-to-do’s and going straight for the this-horrid-child-is-killing-me’s, slapping her palm against her forehead and collapsing to the ground.

She did get over her feigned exasperation eventually.

Her sister Greta found me later while I was reading Timbuktu, lying on a bench under the leafless tree by my cottage.  She proceeded to build a fake barbeque by my head.

I love having landsisters.

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Remember that gnarly throat picture of last post?  Even though that picture was from last year, I’m that kind of sick again.  Can’t quite kick the cough.  Kelly, who was sick for our entire Turkey trip is still battling her cough as well back in Fort Worth, and this has caused me to contemplate where I might like to be nursing my cold right now.  I’ve come up with my ideals:

1. On the green couch at my parent’s house.  Tivoed Survivor episodes and chips and dip lulling me into a couch coma.  Dad coming in the house with grocery bags, one of which holds some echinacea tea and box of aloe-treated tissues.  Home.

2. Seattle Greys.  This, of course, has everything to do with my inability to sleep the last couple of nights and therefore my ability to marathon the first season of Grey’s Anatomy.  This also has everything to do with my wanting to be in a fantasy hospital full of beautiful people and a few minor traumas.  The guy with the cheating wife and the hidden ovary would quickly make me forget about my sore throat.  And maybe Izzy would bake me something.

3. Kolkata, first building on the left after the Tamil slum by the train station in Dum Dum Cantonment, Shaji and Beena’s place.  I have been sick there twice in my life.  The first time completely smashed my notions of hospitality and care.  When I was in college I thought that someone showing up at your house with a grocery bag full of canned soup and some Kleenex was a big deal.  But when I caught some monsoon season flu in Kolkata, Shaji and Beena took me into their home.  They called up their doctor to come see me.  They made me a pallet on their livingroom floor, shared their meals with me.  And at night they covered me and pot of hot water under a sheet, letting me breath in the steam while they sat around me and talked.  They became a second family to me during those late night steam baths, and let me tell you, they know how to take care of a sick person.

4. Right here, as it turns out.  Armenia and India are similar in this way.  Being sick in America is an isolating experience.  Being sick in Armenia or India is communal.  My landmom came over and fixed up my bed with another mattress to help me sleep at night.  My friends at work came armed with medicine, herbal tea, and rasberry muraba to battle my illness.  Their constant inquiries as to my health, the constant offerings of traditional remedies like a swig of lemon tea, the application of a vodka rub all over my body, or even stuffing my nose with vodka soaked cotton, they all seem to be a great effort to try to make me feel better.  It’s like their sickness is my sickness.  A simple idea with some profound follow through.

A while back my brother sent me a desk-sized Gonzo (because he knows me), and the Clooker rearranged them this week to show me some love (because turns out she knows me, too.)


So, I’m sick, but as it turns out, I’m in one of my four ideal places to be sick.  That’s pretty good, right?

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… Kelly and I are having a good time:

Happy Halloween from Armenia!

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I know this is going to feel silly, but follow me for a minute.  Web Urbanist featured a photographer who’s much cooler photos feature an individual’s carried items and one of the hands that brought those bits around.

Last night I looked at my coffee table, a mess for sure, but also a story about my little ol’ life.

It’s a collection of things that have something to say about me, and there was no forethought to their being there at all.

There’s a favorite scarf I bought back in 2005 at the advising of an ex girlfriend.  My landmom rolled it up and put it there on the table.
There’s the Peace Corps cookbook on the top right, a collection of recipes Peace Corps volunteers have passed down over the past 15 years or so.  From it I’ve learned to cook in my time here.  And when you look at the fruit & veg chart or one volunteer’s beer and wine guide, you get an actual, tangible feeling of legacy.
The two green bowls on the bottom are full of the sunflower seeds I’ve taken up munching.  It’s an Armenian tradition.  If you come to my neighborhood you’ll see the grandmothers, young men, daughters and fathers, sitting around talking and shucking seeds.  And now you’ll find me there as well, my pile of shells growing just as fast as theirs.
There’s a hat I knit and the arm of a monster that will be a gift for a friend.
That guy sitting with his feet in the water, he’s the top of a stack of cell phone cards I’ve covered with magazine pictures, ones I use as inspiration for stories and poems.
The wood is my homemade incense burner with the ashes of a stick I was given by a friend in Yerevan.
The bowl with spoon and fork was previously filled with chili my sitemate and I made at my house last week.
And there’s a photo of a friend and me at the top of a peak near Sante Fe, New Mexico.
The teapot was a gift from World Vision, my placement here, and was humbly presented to me last night in a pink biohazard bag from my close friend, Liana, who knew I’d love it.
There are walnuts on the table from the tree in our yard, and one special nut sits by the square green bowl. That nut was given to me by my Latvian friend who told me that at home they carry them in their pockets for good luck.

I love collecting things.  When I was in elementary school, I had a small box that I carried around while playing in the yard in the afternoon.  In it I collected odds and ends, knobs, nails, toy cars, discarded photographs.  Sometimes I spread all these items out and wondered at where they each came from, who might have held them before me, where they might end up.

When I looked at my table last night, I had an overwhelming feeling of connectedness.  The items on that table connect me to more than 10 people directly and even more than that when I think of all the hands and thoughts they’ve passed through to end up right there on my table.

I love what the things we carry say about us.  I wonder what’s on your table now and what it might be saying about you.

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I’ve been in that catch-up-with-normalcy phase that happens after your mom makes a whizbang journey across the earth to see you.  I feel like I used up all my language skills on my mother and for the last week or so can’t seem to construct a full Armenian sentence.  I’m feeling the weight of my current state, the missing of mom added to the pressure of work projects mixed with the swirl of information concerning my grad school search sweetened by the idea of visiting friends all floating on an under current of Oh How I Love My Life and Won’t I Be A Total Mess In Less Than Ten Months When I Have To Leave.

It’s true.  Already I’m feeling the fear of leaving, the dread of saying goodbye to this beautiful place full of beautiful souls.  Let’s examine, for instance, the past weekend.

It begins Friday night with a simple canning lesson.  Serine, the sweet landmom of mine, comes over to show me what’s up with that favorite Armenian past time.  There’s an actual word for it in Armenian, but up in my marz, people just use the word pakel which means ‘to close’.  So here we are boiling tomatoes for closing, with Serine’s daughters (pictured here) watching Finding Nemo on my computer.

The next morning I wake to banging on my front door.  Serine has come to close the tomatoes, so just like that we’re up and boiling, the smell of parsely and red pepper and tomatoes quickly filling the cottage.  With merely a few spins of the zakat, I have before me five jars of chunky tomato sauce chilling by the window.  I also have within me the fever, a revelation tindered by my friend’s canning spree and sparked to flame by this tiny canned success.

All the sudden, recalling that I have recipes stowed and a helpful landmom, I am in flight to the shuka to by kilos and kilos of eggplant, red peppers, green peppers, spicy peppers, onions and more tomatoes.  With a pile of veggies on the floor, I chop and dice and follow a recipe in our Peace Corps cookbook for chunky salsa.  I finish up Finding Nemo on my own.  After almost every Dori line I overlaugh, high perhaps on tomato fumes and sun rays from the window.

Later, while the jars of salsa boil in a steamy bath, Serine comes over to teach me to cook one of my favorite Armenian foods, bdrijani khaviar.  She bakes and peels eggplants while I send all the rest through a grinder and into the kettle.  Herbs are chopped and tossed in and all of it boils while we listen to a mix of Pete Yorn, The Temper Trap, Local Natives, and the like.  Sweet aroma swirls with savory smells.

In the midst of stirring, a bell rings from the road, and Meri comes running to tell her mother that the vegetable man has come.  We leave everything steaming, and head to the street finding a truck full of figs, roughly $1.30 a kilo, and both of us buy a bag full and plot a jam.

By the end of the day I have 17 jars full of sauces and a pot full of slowly gelling figs.

The next morning I head out with The Europeans, An and Kristine, two great new friends who enjoy a sunny day or a warm cup of tea as much as I do.  We take an avtobus out to Kurtan, a village on the edge of a canyon.  After saying hello to some friends of mine there, we walk out the muddy road to the cliff edge.  We sit on a rock, our toes hovering some hundred feet about the ground, and consider the expanse.  The sky is a calm blue and the colors of fall are just beginning to peek out at the tips of branches.  A river winds it’s way from around a cliff corner and brushes past a centuries old church perched on a small hill.  After a while we pick up and hike down into the gorge on wet, craggy edges.

Down in the gorge, we dip our feet in the river; I feel the sun on my back.  We try to catch a fresh water crab the size of a silver dollar.  We name it Louise, making up a story about how Louise is a female crab trapped in a male crabs body, a transcrab.  Perhaps, we say, that’s why Louise is being so shy, why Louise keeps running under the rock where we can’t ask Louise which pronoun Louise prefers.

We picnic on the bank sitting barefoot in the shade, eating that homemade khaviar with tomatoes, bread and cheese.  And thanks to Autumn, I fall in love with those cinnamon-sweet persimmons all over again.  After eating,  I climb around on the creek stones, collecting, working my way back to shore holding bunches of freshly picked wild mint in my hands.  Finally when the clouds start rolling over the canyon, when an unwelcome thunder starts to rumble through, we pack up and head back the way we came.

Right before the climb up, the one we’d been considering as possibly dangerous, we meet again two Armenian village men who had helped us hike down from the top.  While we were picnicing, they were collecting walnuts from canyon trees. Their fingers are stained black from peeling the rinds.

“The rain is coming,” they tell us.

“You’ll wait here then,” I ask.  They are sitting by an abandoned domik, someone’s old canyon home made of plasterboard and tin.

“Until the rain ends.  Then we’ll head up.”

“Can we wait with you?” I ask.

They nod, hands still busy cracking open walnuts, chewing a reply, “Of course.  Why not?”  And before we know it, there we are sitting in the dank cabin playing Durak, each eating from the offered walnuts.

After only twenty minutes or so the rain lets up, and we wait for the men to sweep up the husks and gather their filled bags before we head out of the cabin and up the cliffside.

On the hike back we pause to see a rainbow and later to pet the goats who are making their way down the trail we’re taking up.

Back at my cottage, two more of The Europeans come over, and we make a pizza while An so kindly reboils the fig jam so we can seel it in jars.

So, you see, this place seems now to just be day after day of A Damn Good Life. All in all the weekend turned out twenty cans of yum that will give me a much tastier winter.  And what’s more I spent time with good friends enjoying fall weather that couldn’t have been sunnier.  Right before The Europeans left my house for theirs, a new friend came to visit.  I picked up the tiny thing who graciously posed for a photoshoot.  It was as if, just when the weekend was over, she showed up to say, “Hey, don’t think because your party’s ending the goodness needs to stop.”  Indeed.


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